December 22nd, 2007 by Remcyl
Don’t worry, this ain’t an entry about the movie Click for this has long been shown in theaters worldwide.
I woke up and opened my boob tube and as I browsed through the channels, this happened to be the one showing.
I remember the first time I watched this movie. I was really hesitant being the lead role played by Adam Sandler who happens to be my not-so fave actor/comedian. But despite the hesitation, I gave it a shot.
The movie revolved around a universal remote with a unique capability of doing its features in real life such as rewind, fast forward, slo mo, pause, or stop. But it goes deeper than that and I need not reiterate the deeper story.
As I watched the movie, it dawned on me that the scene that made me cry the first time around was about to happen. The scene I’m referring to was the part Adam Sandler finds out that his father has passed away, and this was revealed to him by his now successful son. As much as he wanted to go back to the part of his life where his father died, it wasn’t possible due to the fact that he wasn’t there during that moment. Only the last time he saw him was his only shot of knowing how his relationship with him ended.
Inevitably, water was down my eyes and before you could hush me to tears, I was literally wiping the now flooded cheeks on my face.
If given the power to go back to the times we wish we could undo our mistakes and wrong doings, I for one wouldn’t bite into it. It ruins the entire concept of this gift we call life, which is about challenges and learning from the mistakes out of these challenges.
But more than that, I had my family in mind. The family that I once knew like the hairs at the back of my neck now seems so blurry. Everyone seems to be sugar-coating things to make it seem complete and pretending it’s unbroken. This isn’t the life I once lived. It all seems like a big lie to me.
My mother doesn’t know who I am anymore. She can’t even give me the chance to show her half of the man I’ve become over the past year. That I have developed so well in terms of how I deal with things specifically with my studies. Judgments left and right faces me every single time we meet and I must admit I for one am unworthy of it. I remember one specific incident.
My brother works in the same hospital she works in. In the area where my brother is assigned, one of the staffs hates my brother to death for having the benefits he has received after being newly appointed in the position. The mean lady accused my brother of stealing Php100 from their account when all the while, she placed it in a book to make it seem stolen.
My mom was crying with anger to my father telling him how well he knows his son and how he raised him. My mom even told me separately, “Do you know why I know your brother didn’t steal the money? Because when all of you were still young and he commits a mistake, he just keeps quiet. But if he is not guilty of anything, he defends himself and fights for it. I did not raise a thief!”
I on the other hand was bursting with anger deep inside.
How could she do this to me? How could she know my brother that well and not know me the same way? How could she not trust me that I am in a mature and fruitful relationship? How could she not accept the fact that all the while, she raised a gay child who views homosexuality more than just sex? How could she?
My father. My father who constantly wants our family to be at home always, eat dinner together, and spend quality time together. Together? There is no together. The moment I’ve learned that my dad is in a secret relationship with someone else (God knows if another child is present) ended what used to be my family. It’s broken, and yet everyone seems to be okay with it. I’m not, or will I ever be.
If we do spend the nights together complete, eat at the dining table for every meal, and spend happy times wherever the location might be, then we are living a lie. For we are just fooling ourselves that a family (with the true definition of the word) exists.
So much drama for each child to go through? Yes. But I wouldn’t change it for anything.
Would I’ve end up in the position I am in right now if it wasn’t for the kind of life I was given? Certainly not!
I wouldn’t go back for any of them. I would’ve never wished for my dad to be contented with us, his one true family. I would’ve never wished for my mom to accept my sexuality and my relationship with Chris the moment I came out to her. I would never wish to not have committed the mistakes I did. Never! And no one should!
I have decided. It is irrevocable. I decided not to live in the lie my siblings breathe everyday for I could never deny what’s in front of me. If there was one thing this movie, or life in general has taught me, is to never plan for what the future may be. We never were and never will be in the position to do so. All we can do, is make the best decision in a given situation. Who cares if we make bad choices. The thing is, we made them, and there’s no turning back.
The life I choose to live holds truth. When will you?
Over and Out!
