Okay that may sound familiar from a shampoo commercial, but I’m serious.

I’ve been wanting to make a “sex and the city” article for so long now but can’t seem to write about anything. Then I’ve realized what’s wrong in the picture. What’s wrong was that I’ve been living the same day more than twice and frankly, i’m not happy anymore. It’s getting boring that all I’ve been doing for the past weeks is school, school, and more of school. I haven’t done a haircut in ages, I haven’t designed anything in centuries, and I haven’t gone out with anybody and shared a conversation with in God knows how long.

You just know your life is boring if all you can talk about in your blog are the lives of others. I need to make people talk about me instead of the other way around. LOL that was too narcissistic of me.

So this weekend after my examinations in all my subjects, I’m finally gonna pass that long overdue portfolio in the studios of my choice and hopefully, I get hired even if it’s only as an apprentice. I need all the learning I can get.

Also, I’m preparing myself for another hosting job I’d be doing. After a successful job with my school’s Capping and Pinning Ceremonies, they chose me to host this year’s Acquaintance Party to be held at Leisure Coast Resort. It’s time to pull out my personality on this event and I want people to see the real Abraham Remcyl Viloria. You guys can join the party if you’re willing to pay 775 bucks to serve as your pass.

That’s pretty much it. Take care guys and I miss you all. Hope we can have the opportunity to chat once so we can pick up on each other’s lives. Mwah!

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My blog has been the ground of expression for me since the day I made my first post and I must admit, it contributes a lot of help whenever I feel down or disturbed. My thoughts, everyday living, and career plans, are all blatantly visible on my site. Family issues, love affairs, and fragile topics are no exception as well.

My current boyfriend, Boo, has been a fan of my work as a graphic designer, and a fan of my blog when we started dating. He constantly checks my site for any updates I may have and reads them religiously and patiently. But one day when we had an argument, he vowed never to visit it ever again.

He recently told me that he visited my site again to check on the posts I made regarding our monthsary. I was very happy to know that he broke his vow. He told me that he decided to visit it again, till he saw one post I made. I asked him which of my posts changed his decision, and he told me that it was this specific entry.

The topics in my blog are all personal considering that this is after all a personal blog of mine. So all the posts I have published is basically a book about my life. Some of the entries I have, for him, are unnecessary and would be better off if I was to delete them. We’ve talked about it before and I told him that I stand to what I write in my blog and my credibility is something that I hold strongly.

He asks me why I don’t delete posts that brings shame to my name despite the total contrast to who I really am such as my I’m a slut entry. I really had no intentions of ever deleting that entry, or any of my other entries for that matter not only for my credibility’s sake, but because it is my past.

I have suffered a lot in my life and I have every inch of my soul to be thankful for all of them. It would be cliche for me to say that I wouldn’t be the strong person I am today if it wasn’t for those obstacles I had to go through, but it is the truth. The person standing in front of my partner right now is the product of life’s tough challenges, and despite how ugly the challenges are, I cannot erase them, nor regret how I handled them individually.

I’ve always tried not to regret things in life, and I’ve been doing a great job so far. The past is truly a part of who we are. The present is what we make out of what we have today. The future holds the person we have become after crossing the finish line.

He may be reading this entry, but chances tells me he wouldn’t. But like life, I am hopeful as always. What else could I have… but faith.

I was around the block already in the web site-making/designing world for about seven years now. I have made countless entries regarding my life, places I’ve visited, restaurants I’ve dined in, people I’ve met, and stories I have to share to the whole world.

A friend of mine, the same friend who taught me how to design web sites, shared to me about how I could earn money with what I have been doing for the past years, and that is blogging. I have always been aware of such work but never really thought it was something I’d be capable of doing. But she told me that I was cut out for it with my writing skills.

She told me about payperpost and how it has helped her save some extra money to buy the things that she wanted in life, and best of all, she gets to do it in the comfort of her own living room.

What I love about the web site is that they give you your money for the price of the post you’ve chosen to write about. You wouldn’t be forced to blog about things you don’t know much about, but only those you’re familiar with. You really have the best deal if you ask me.

I’ve learned that sometimes when you do the stuff you’re really passionate about, it could mean extra income as well to help out with regards to your financial stability. With the money I could earn from PayPerPost, I plan to put it to good use by buying the materials I need to work on my craft as a stylist. With this, I am enjoying the best of both worlds with no hidden skeletons.

Ever since technology hit every inch of my DNA, I can’t help but be an addict on the latest gadgets even if most of what I like can’t be afforded by a class D person like me. But the best thing about life is you can aspire for things and be hopeful that one day, you can purchase most of your wants.

So let’s start with what I’d be patting my back with in the future when I start working.

Price as of today: Php 14,500.00

Ahh yes, the Sony Ericsson P1i. I’ve had my eye on this gadget for quite some time now and it’s the first on my list of things to buy for myself. I know it’s been out for a long time now, but nothing can’t seem to beat this gadget in terms of features. Being an SE-fan, camera and unique QWERTY keypad made this a definite must-have.

Price as of today: Php14,600.00

The PlayStation Portable. A lot of people may not know this, but I am a die-hard fan of the gaming world. I could still remember when I was young, right before I go to school, I’d be in my room playing with the family’s Family Computer hooked on Mario Brothers and Circus. Gadgets has gone way too quickly with touch screen features and the likes for me to catch up with all the techy-hoo-has, but I’m still cut out for what the new games has to offer.

Price as of today: Php37,755.00

My brother bought this one for himself and I must admit, I am jealous. Not because it’s sooo expensive, but have you ever seen a graphic designer who works freelance to work on a desktop? Not that anything’s wrong with that, but better specs means better output, right?

Price as of today: Php 21,400.00

Working out at the gym is a real bummer if a slut had a CD with the song Low continuously played till her CD finishes. So having an iPod Touch would be a whole lot better. It may even make me build these muscles of mine faster with the energy it could give me. Sigh, just imagine a workout on the treadmill with Madonna’s 4 minutes in your ear. I could see myself now doing the whole grocery-sliding-thinga-majigga.

And last but not the least…

Price as of today: Php 11,500.00

Need I say more?

—

In total, the patting I have for my back costs Php 99,755.00.

Geesh! Can you imagine this is the price I have to pay to satisfy my wants?

I’m sure for those who poo gold and diamonds, buying all these means nothing, but to those who can’t afford to stop their stomach from rumbling, this is luxury at it’s best.

Screw my tech-wants, I’m satisfied with whatever life gives me. May it be a landline phone, a brick game, a desktop computer, a radio, or a disposable camera. For all these are dispensable and are earthly things we can live without.

The rest I had last summer, believe it or not, was not enough after all the years of going to school on a daily basis. To say that it was stressful would be a complete understatement. But who am I to complain? Everyone knows that in this life, heck, in this country alone, you need to have a solid foundation of education before you can enjoy any fruit of your hardwork.

So now that I have transferred to a new school, It’s that time once again for me to spend it on my hospital duties.

I would be spending 8 hours from Saturday-Monday for the next weeks? months? I really don’t know. But all I know is, I would have less time to do what I want — blogging, cutting hair, graphic designing, and most importantly, time with my boyfriend.

Speaking of my boyfriend, we were just talking on the phone days ago and got into the topic of priorities. Yes, while other couples (gay or straight) deal with immature issues and problems, we talk about priorities. He was telling me how talented I am, but never really focus on one thing to pursue. That I was given a path, and how I’m choosing to make my own from the pile of dirt and grasses. I see his point. And I’m putting it to heart.

A lot of people have told me how wonderful it is that I have a lot of options in front of me waiting for me to select just one. The reality is, people have no idea how hard it would be if they were in the position I was in.

I’ve chatted with a guy in guys4men weeks before I deleted my account. He was telling me why I was not focusing on just being a stylist, or an artist, or as a nursing student. I gave him a reply which I believe possesses wisdom in my opinion. I told him that I am blessed to be given these talents, and despite being plenty, I treasure them all. I gave up singing once and now I don’t think I could ever say I was better than I was before, because I gave it up. And if I was to neglect any of the ones I have left, I’d probably end up wasting what was given to me, lonelier, maybe nothing. Each of my talent is like family to me. You could never choose giving up a mother, a father, or any of your siblings, because they are a part of who you are, and nothing could change that.

The answer is really just time management.

Sure I’d be spending most of my days starting tomorrow at the hospital then resting hours after that, but if I do my studies well, then I could finally accomplish it, and graduate once and for all. The work is hard, but it gets harder if I don’t work hard.

As for my talents and dreams, they’re still a part of me. I just need to finish with this one first, then I could divert all my time and hopes for them in the future.

Having a relationship isn’t easy. I’ve had one girlfriend in the past and the work I had to go through were unbelievable.

Having a gay relationship is more difficult.

I really had nothing to blog about for today so I decided to browse the internet for the latest news in the gay community. To my disappointment, the site I ran into really didn’t offer me what I was looking for. The fashion news were more of a faux pas; the entertainment link contained not-so-entertaining info; and the sports, let’s just stop there. Because you know you’re doomed to failure when you start sports with me.

Needless to say, I had every reason to leave the site. But right before I did, I decided to check on the last link I missed, Opinion.

One of the titles called my attention so I decided to read it and to my surprise, it was a story I can definitely relate to.

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Having a gay relationship isn’t easy compared to that of a straight one. Aside from the arguments the two of you might be having, you have the rest of the world to argue with. Starting with your family alone could begin infinite questions of where, how, and why. It gets harder if both parties are closeted since hiding is another challenge. With the growing number of Filipino clans, everywhere and anywhere is a minefield.

I’ve always been out to my family ever since I started venturing the gay community a.k.a. the little town of guys4men. Okay, little might be a complete exaggeration of the opposite. And having a boyfriend for almost a year with someone who wasn’t was the extremes of all extremes.

There’s be times where we’d go out and do some things such as the simple act of holding hands which to me are nothing but normal, but to him is as blatant as wearing a skirt out in public. The simple stuffs which I had to adjust to because of the norms he chooses to follow.

Don’t get me wrong. The sweet little things such as the former, or feeding each other when dining out in the restaurant, or wiping the dirt of their face with your handkerchief, doesn’t justify better the love you have for your partner nor does it even come close. But for someone like me whose gay mind is molded by the visions of the great AJ Matela, doing those things are nothing to be ashamed of. For it is just the same as when both the man and the woman in a straight relationship are doing it which gives us nothing to be ashamed of.

There was this one time when I was at my ex’s office, when it was still on its backbone solidification state, surfing the net and unexpectedly, two of his bosses (one of them was aware of my ex’s sexuality and even his previous relationship) arrived which I didn’t know how to react to. His boss greeted him and he did the same immediately after they arrived. To remove the raised eyebrows from his bosses, he introduced one of his employees and he turned to me. He could easily tell what my smile was. It was the smile every gay guy has when he is finally introduced to anyone important to his partner. So he gasped the air that he needed and said, “This is my cousin, Sir…”.  After looking at his bosses still sporting my huge smile, I then turned to the computer monitor immediately and went back to my internet browsing abruptly changing into a blank face.

You could tell my disappointment. Despite the given situation which I fully understand, I was still taken aback. One moment I was someone’s boyfriend, I’m someone’s cousin by the next.

Maybe he could never feel what I felt that day till he enters in a relationship where he is the “out” and his partner is the one closeted.

Till now I still question why a lot of people in my community are afraid of coming out. By living in this fear, we are doomed to hide the reality that is us. We are protecting ourselves from nothing, and at the same time, making us more and more deviant from something that is normal to begin with. With this, I see no advantage at all.

I (together with those who came out already), could never really force the closeted to come out for it is in their own discretion when to do so. But if only coming out was like a bottle of perfume, or an energy drink, that I could endorse absolutely for free, then I wouldn’t hesitate to do just that.

Now that I am in a relationship with Boo, I wish we could break such limitations as well to fully show the world how happy and madly in love we are as a couple that despite others considering homosexuality as a bad thing, we are not that different from those “unlike” us. With a little perseverance and a bit more push, I’m pretty sure the day he’d be introducing me to his family wouldn’t be too far from where we stand right now.

So ask yourself at the end of the day, “Who am I?”.

Are you someone fighting for his sexuality or someone hiding from reality?

Are you someone living his life to the fullest or someone living his life to the extent of the norms?

Are you someone proudly screaming for the boyfriend/husband that you have or someone who introduces their boyfriend/husband as their cousin, classmate, a friend?

You decide!